I cannot write about it here. I want to write but I'm afraid of sharing. And I worry it isn’t helpful, or kind or caring the things that I might say. On here I adapt my words to make them less revealing, creativity is for wellness for me too but on here it isn't healing. 

Creativity is for you. Its not for anyone else. If you're creating for wellness then its not always writing or drawing something that sounds interesting or looks pretty. It's supposed to be a non-judgmental space, an escape, an expression of whatever you want. For me, doing it on here is not always the best place. This is supposed to be a helpful space. I become anxious about what I might say. Maybe what I write is not always supposed to be read. Its just supposed to be written. Sometimes its not even supposed to be written and I jumble it up. I don't write honestly when Im writing for someone else to read. I'm not really me when Im pretending to write something useful just to feel the gap of writing something truthful.

So Im going to go for a while, and write properly, for me. I miss it being an escape. I like it better when I don't try to say the right thing. I like writing without having to know what Im going to say, and without worrying that what Ive said is wrong. I suppose I like it on here because it feels like sharing. But I think i can share much more openly when I know that what i say is just between me and a piece of paper, and i might not even read it back, i can just get it out and close the book and put it away. and the act of writing it is the part thats therapeutic for me. No-one is going to be reading. I don't need to tell anyone my torrent of thoughts. I don't think i do. I don't need to share any of this.

If you can find a safe place to put it all then thats all that matters really. Then move on, and maybe write a story or something new, and just escape like that. I miss being able to escape like that. My hand used to write sentences ahead of what i was thinking. Or maybe it was the other way around. My hand couldn't catch up with the ideas. I can't remember. I wrote a lot of stories though. Some of them were good. That was a long time ago. It came naturally anyway. A long time ago, and then is stopped coming easily and became hard. along with reading and speaking and listening, and general communication. Thats when I started drawing. even that was just scribbles at first. Now I like to read again. And sometimes i need to write again. Without being afraid of it. Creativity for wellness is about doing it for you, not for anyone else.

I'm going to go away and write properly, and say what I really mean. All these stories inside of me are squashed. they need somewhere safe to go. I'll do that for wellness and come back to share if I learn anything interesting. Thats what this space is for. I get that confused sometimes. I'm going to write somewhere else, for me, for wellness. Maybe I'll come back here if I find anything important or helpful or interesting to say.